Ladies and gentlemen I’ve seen the light. After discussing politics for the better part of a year now I’ve finally come to the perfectly sane conclusion that I was wrong all along for my support of a free economy and liberties for this nations citizens. I now know what the biggest problem facing this nation is; rich people.
Yes rich people, those snobby good for nothing car dealers who force us to buy their cruddy gas guzzling cars; those greedy bankers who deceive us into taking risky loans we’d never take unless they made them more affordable, and the oil executives who make money by selling us their products, how dare they? No my fellow Americans, its not the fault of the worlds consumers that oil prices are rising, I mean honestly, who really believes in supply and demand anymore? This is the twenty first century people, get with the times, do you like living in the past? That nonsense may have been perfectly good for our ancestors but by God we’re smarter then the founding fathers!
We have allowed the rich to take over this country despite the government’s best attempts to stop them. Just look at all the regulations the feds force onto corporations and you’ll see a disturbing trend; these rich people are taking advantage of the governments regulations for their benefit. Who would have thought that putting the power to make a company succeed or fail in the hands of our government would make those same companies do their best to influence the government? Finally I understand. The government decides who can succeed or fail and those greedy punks lobby for their own self interest in order to gain an unfair advantage over smaller businesses. I never saw that coming.
So what is the answer to this mess? No you darn libertarians, shut up, the answer is not less regulation and allowing more economic freedom, that would be crazy and stupid. What we need to do is use the old “two lefts don’t make a right, but three do” logic and instead of deregulating the private market we need MORE regulations.
1. Set a national maximum wage. Depending on the amount of labor you do, the government will make sure you don’t earn more then what they deem your fair share. Anything more then you deserve to earn will be forcefully taken away from you by the government. What right do the rich have to be rich?
2. Tax, tax, tax. The maximum wage isn’t enough my friends. If I am to believe my liberal friends at one time, under President Eisenhower, there was a 90% income tax for Americas rich. Ladies and gentlemen I propose we bring back the 90% income tax for anyone making more then what the federal government, in their wisdom, decides to be fair. We must stick to our principles here, what rights do the rich have to the fruits of their labor? What lawful right do they have to keep what they earn? I say they have none, and I base that logic on the fact that they have more then me.
3. We need more welfare. As I said before, what rights do the wealthy have to the fruits of their labor? None, but the poor have every right to it. We need to throw away the ideas of economic freedoms and protection of private property. No man has the right to own a big screen plasma TV with surround sound as long as there are people in this nation who can only afford a black and white TV set. It is unacceptable that the wealthiest people in this country get to fly private jets while the rest of us pay off the loans we took out for spinners on our new cars. It’s downright un-American. So I propose we take the money that the wealthy earn and give it to those who did not earn it, that way we can teach self reliance and responsibility to the nations poor. Nothing teaches people to work hard better then living off someone else’s money.
My fellow Americans, it is time we stand together as one, with one voice and shout at the top of our lungs that we will take it no more. We need to make certain that our politicians know where we stand. How dare people like Ron Paul, the craziest man alive, use the constitution to stop this movement? How dare he suggest we live in absolute accordance with it? It’s just a piece of paper after all, why can’t we ignore it if we want? It may have been fine for our founding fathers, but we’re so much smarter then they ever were. With the superior education we have these days, thanks to the great department of education, we posses wisdom beyond what they were capable of. Our government schools have made this generation smarter then any other, why must we live our lives according to rules written by our founding fathers?
History has shown us that freedom does not work. Just look at examples in history and you will see that the more socialist a nation is the more likely it is to succeed. The predictions of Carl Marx are right on the money; if we allow freedom to flourish the oppressed will rise up in a bloody revolution and create for themselves a perfect workers paradise. It’s going to happen, just hold your breath and wait.
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